Text Messages From Me:

* I was at the Vern & (name omitted) asked my opinion of armpit-licking. It was the most lucid I've ever seen her.
* The I.T. guy here is named Michael McDonald.
* I bet Gibby Haynes wasn't as rockin' as that slow 'Top Mahh-ahh-del' jam ANTM plays during the obligatory climactic packing scene.
* 'Wishmaster' had only one cool part, a guy got squeezed into chunks by possessed piano wire.
* All this shrieking could power a turbine.
* Megan Fox & Diablo Cody destroying each other's careers should be very tantalizing.
* For Halloween, the Quesos should dress as the cast of 'The Thing.' Brenda should fly out just to be the black chef on rollerskates.
* The Office feels like we're in season 11, Jim & Pam have left the show to do movies, & everything is super-wacky. It just needs a bowl-cut kid joining the cast.
* I ain't bringing back the out of print vhs of 'invisible strangler' till i have watched it.
* The Miss Piggy Aerobics record has one part where Miss Piggy does jumping jacks & it makes the record skip.

Text Messages Sent To Me:

* I just passed 'S & M Deli & Grocery' on my way to the airport.
* I'm watching the new Flaming Lips video & hoping to god no one walks into my office.
* Rawk Snawb flipped last night. News at 11.
* It's not every day one sees both Jason Alexander & Fisher Stevens asses in the same movie.
* We can go get fried Oreos. That's a southern thing.
* Lydia the Tattooed Lady muppet has flaming red hair & cat-eye glasses & is totally your type.
* Did you explain that goonies 'r' good enough?
* Time for some textual healing.
* Ever have one of those days where you want to either punch someone or make sweet country love to a hobo? I hate days like that.
* I envy your exposure to douchebags. Fodder for great snark material.
* U2 gives me a good reason to go smoke dope for 5 minutes.
* You'd be a fun co-worker until I was written up for wanton fraternizing.
* I can't decide if I want to punch Eli Roth's face or sit on it.
* Gee, you're awfully sweet & caring for a heartless misogynist.

On an unrelated note, my LJ's "nekkid people" tag has become bloated with severe overuse.

BEST SIMPSONS "TREEHOUSE OF HORROR" STORIES:

1. The Shinning
2. Bart Simpson's Dracula
3. Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace
4. Fly Vs. Fly
5. Starship Poopers
6. Time & Punishment
7. It's the Grand Pumpkin, Milhouse
8. I Know What You Diddily-Iddily-Did
9. Don't Have A Cow, Mankind
10. The Ned Zone
11. Terror at 5 1/2 Feet
12. The Day the Earth Looked Stupid
13. Bad Dream House



LAMEST SIMPSONS "TREEHOUSE OF HORROR" STORIES:

1. Frinkenstein
2. Married to the Blob
3. B.I.: Bartificial Intelligence
4. G-G-Ghost D-D-Dad
5. In the Belly of the Boss
6. Stop the World, I Want To Goof Off

I still have one more of these to draw, but this is the finale. I gave myself a Hitchcockian cameo because I've earned one, dammit. Who can name all the rest of the characters in this one? Think I actually broke my own record in volume of pop-cultural references...








P.S. That kinda looks like osbick_bird standing on the other side of the Predator. I musta done that subconsciously.

Five years of Apt #5. Five years of accordionists, hippie clowns, arbitrarily naked people, yodelling gutter trash, and rusty harmonicas. Five years of "Santeria." Five years of "Stuck In the Middle With You." Five years of "Five Years." Five years of CasioTard and five years of Deranged Opera Lady. Five years of hot girls on my crappy orange couch. Five years of digital-camera documentation. And 126 pictures.

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Cuz you'd show yer Lovecraftian titties to Angus Scrimm too, admit it. Also I think I drew a pretty cool Carrie White.

For October, MUDTOWN will be running a whole series of these. I'm excited to draw 'em. As far as I can remember, this is the first time I've ever drawn a Pumpkinhead, Critter, or Munchie as a peripheral character. Any suggestions for background monsters in future chapters?







Part II:

You know what happens when I'm alone on my Crappy Orange Couch drinkin' seasonal Pumpkin Ale all through Must-See-TV? Good-naturedly lascivious polls like this happen.

Poll #1465259
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 11

Aubrey Plaza / the disaffected intern on "Parks & Recreation," Ellie Kemper / the new receptionist on "The Office," or Gillian Jacobs / the sardonic student on "Community"?

* Related trivia: Iggy Pop wrote "TV Eye" after being inspired by his lady friends' use of the term "Twat Vibe Eye."
** Gillian Jacobs totally gits nekkid in Choke. This may or may not influence your decision. Either way, there's her boobs. And Aubrey Plaza is so good/cute in Funny People that I didn't even realize she was the same person till days later. Likewise, every intrynet person has seen Ellie Kemper in the infamous and very funny "blowjob girl" video:



Added criteria. God it's a Sophie's Choice.

And suddenly, I have an $18/hr. Officeland job until the end of the year.

I don't know how this happened.

Hello Greg,

This is Joe Mande from LATFH.com. If you are receiving this message, it means I plan on using the photo you sent me for my upcoming Look at This Fucking Hipster book!

Before I continue, though, I just need you to confirm a few final things for me:

1. Did you yourself take the submitted picture?
2. Would you like to credited for the picture or remain anonymous?
3. If you'd like a free copy of the book when it comes out, please let me know what mailing address I should use.

That’s it! Thank you so much for your submission!

- Joe

HOORAYYYY!

Oh shit, our no-nonsense Quirk Supervisor is comin' by with his tall bike and his clown-makeup-imbued facial hair. Quick, everyone look weird!

This is absolutely tragic.

Now that I'm trying to deliver a twice-a-week webcomic and doing more around-the-clock drawing than I've done in years, I've been revisiting a lot of what first inspired me to doodle. So, here are the movie satires that MAD has done over its many years. I don't keep up with MAD much anymore but I smothered myself in this shit when I was a kid, long before I was permitted to watch most of the actual movies themselves. I would like to see "Dum-Dum Afternoon," "Shampooped," "A-Crock-O'-Blip! Now," "Borey Lyndon," and especially "Throw-Up."

1963: For The Birds
1964: Flawrence of Arabia
1965: Cheyenne Awful

1966: Hack, Hack, Sweet Has-Been, The Sinpiper, Bubby Lake Missed By A Mile, The Agony & the Agony
1967: Fantastecch Voyage, Dr. Zhicago, Is Paris Boring?, Throw-Up
1968: Dirtier By the Dozen, The Sam Pebbles, Balmy & Clod, Blue-Eyed Kook, Valley of the Dollars, Guess Who's Throwing Up Dinner?, In Cold Blecch, The Post-Graduate
1969: Rosemia's Boo-Boo, 201 Minutes of a Space Idiocy, Bullbit, Where Vultures Fare, The Brother Hoods

1970: True Fat, Midnight Wowboy, Sleazy Riders, Botch Casually & the Somedunce Kid, Boob & Carnal & Tad & Alas, Moroned, Airplot, M*I*S*H*M*O*S*H.
1971: Put-On, Catch-All-22, Shmoe, Five Easy Pages, Lover's Story, Little Dull Man, The Foul & the Prissy Cats
1972: The Trauma of '42, Willies, What's the Connection?, Dirty Larry, The Odd Father
1973: A Crockwork Lemon, the New Comedians, The Planet That Went Ape, The Poopsidedown Adventure, The Heartburn Kid, The Clods of '44, Least Horizon
1974: Dr. No-No, From Russia With Lunacy, Goldfingerbowl, Thunderblahhh, You Only Live Nice, On His Majesty's Secret Shamus, Dollars Are Forever, Live and Let Suffer, American Confetti, Paper Goon, The Way We Bore, Billy Jock, Serpicool, The Ecchorcist, Popicorn, The Zing
1975: The Great Gasbag, Chinaclown, Death Wishers, What's Entertainment?, Airplot '75, The Longest Yardbird, The Towering Sterno, The Oddfather Part Too, Muddle on the Orient Express, Shampooped

1976: Jaw'd, Mirthquake, Rollerbrawl, Dum-Dum Afternoon, One Cuckoo Flew Over the Rest, Borey Lyndon, Gall of the President's Men
1977: The Misery Breaks, The Bad Mouth Bears, The Omenous, The Shootiest, Marathon Mess, Sobsession, King Korn, Nutwork, A Star's A Bomb, Rockhead
1978: Star Roars, The Dip, The Spy Who Glubbed Me, Clod Encounters of the Absurd Kind, Saturday Night Feeble
1979: Jaw'd Too, Cease, Heaving Can Wait, The Eyes of Lurid Mess, Abominal House, Superduperman, Invasion of the Booty Snatchers, The China Sin-Dome

1980: Alias, Moneyraker, Rockhead II, The Corncorde: Airplot '79, The Calamityville Horror, A Crock O' Blip! Now, Star Blecch: The Motion Picture, Crymore Vs. Crymore, Being Not All There, Throw Up the Academy, Gold Mining Daughter, Little Star-lings
1981: The Empire Strikes Out, The Shiner, Undressed To Kill, Extraordinary People, Raving Bully, Flopeye, Assaulted States, Superduperman II, Ecchcalibur
1982: Raiders of a Lost Art, Outlandish, For Her Thighs Only, On Olden Pond, Death Which-Is-Which II, Rockhead III, Conehead the Barbituate, Death Crap, Dumb Kind of Hero
1983: Q.T. the Quasi-Terrestrial, Awful Annie, Paltry Guise, Star Blecch II: The Wreck of Korn, An Officer Ain't No Gentleman, The Verdicch, Tootsie Role, Re-Hash of the Jeti, Stuporman ZZZ
1984: WarpedGames, Psycho Too, Staying Awake, Trading Races, Raunchy Business, Flashdunce, The Right Stiff, Scarred Face, Mentl, Grimlins, Inbanana Jones & the Temple of Goons, Splash-Dance, Star Blecch III: The Search For Plot
1985: Ghost-Dusters, Purple Acid Rain, The Karocky Kid, Supergall, Beverly Hills Cop-Out, Witless, Goofies, Gal of Me, Dumbo More Blood Part II

1986: Bleak For the Future, Kookoon, Rockhead IV, Fool of the Nile, Young Sureschlock Homely, Henna & Her Sickos, Clown & Lout In Beverly Hills, Top Gunk
1987: Fearless Buller's Day Off, Alienators, Stand But Me, The Color of Monotony, Peggy Got Stewed & Marrie, Jumbled Joke Flash, Star Blecch IV: The Voyage Bombs, Crock O' Dull Dummee, Legal Wreckin', Beverly Hills Slop Too, The Wretches Of Ecchflick, The Unwatchables, Predecessor
1988: Roboslop, Dorky Dancing, Stinkout, Feeble Attraction, Three Morons & A Baby, Broadcast Snooze
1989: Biggie, Numbing To America, Who Defamed Roger Rabbit, Crocktale, Kookoon the Rehash, Twinge, Lurking Girl, Battyman, Grossbusters II, No Hoax Barred, Inbanana Jones & His Last Crude Days

1990: Funny To Shrink the Kids, Look Who's Squawking, The Gore of the Roses, Hunt For Last October, Grimlins Ptu: The New Botch, Robocrap 2, Totally Recalled, Teen-Rage Moolah Nitwit Turtles
1991: Schtick Tracy, Gauche, Home A-Groan, Deadwood Scissorham, Oddfather III, Dunces With Wolves, Hackdraft, Throbbin Hood: Prince of Heaves, The Violence of the Hams
1992: Interminable Too: Misjudgement Day, The Adnauseum Family, Buggy, Prince of Tirades, The Ham That Robs the Cradle, Buttman Returns, Basically It Stinks
1993: Sister Axed, Patridiotic Games, A League To Bemoan, Drek-ula, Blunder Siege, A Few Goofy Men, Groundhog Deja Vu, A Decent Disposal, Dive, Jurass-Has-Had-It Park
1994: Senseless In Seattle, In Line To Be Fired, Mrs. Doubtful, Maverschtick, The Flickstones, Not Quite Up To Speed, Fairest Schlump, The Stooge-itive
1995: Plot Friction, Frankenslime, It's Clear the President Is a Danger, Quease Show, Intravenous With the Vampire, Buttman Fershlugginer, Die Hard With No Variance, Gasper, Appalling 13, Hokeyhontas

1996: Mr. Hollow's Old Puss, Broke N' Narrow, Wishin' For the Impossible, The Nerdcage, Twit-sters, It's Depends Day, The Crock, Disgracer, Star Blecch: Worst Contact
1997: The People Vs. Larry Fylth, Marred Attack, Rancid, Buttman & Rubbin', Howeird Stern Private Putz, Corn Air, F*!@/OFF, Corntact, Air Farce One
1998: G.I. Shame, Starless Troopers, Alien Resuscitated, Screech 2, Trypanic, Sleep Impact, Gotsilly, The Truedumb Show, The Ecch Files: Fight This Feature, Ahm-A-Gettin (the hell outta here), Hollow Scream It's 2 Slow
1999: Star Blecch: Imperfection, Flushmore, Playback, Satirize This, Putz Adams, Mild Mild Mess, The Faketrix, Star Bores Epic Load I: The Fandumb Megamess, I'm Enterin' Pie, The Bland Witch Profits

2000: The Sick Sense, Double Jerkery, The Yellow Mile, Errant Bra-On-Bitch, Gatorador, The Perfect Snore, $-Men
2001: Unbearable, Meek With the Parents, Cheesy Angles, Traff-ecch, Passed Away, Hurl Horror, A.I.: Absolute Idiocy, Planet of the Remakes, The Ugghers, Harry Plodder & the Sorry-Ass Story
2002: Bored of the Rings, Behind Empty Lines, No Emotions Eleven, A Booty-Full Mind, The Royal Paininthebums, Spider-Sham, Panic Ruined, Store Bores Epic Load II: Attack of the Clowns, The Dumb Of All Films, Road To Sedation, Minority Retort, Designs, Harry Plodder & the Lamest of Sequels
2003: Bored of the Rings: The 2+ Hours, 8 Mild, $-Men 2, Interminable 3: Rise of the Bad Scenes, Seebrisket, The Faketrix Retarded
2004: Fools of Rock, Masochist Commander: On the Farce Side of the World, Bored of the Rings: Rehash of the Thing, Van Helstink, Troy-Vey!, Spider-Sham Too, Harry Plodder & the Pre-Teen Nerds Are Actin' Bad
2005: Limited Thickwit's A Series of Uneventful Misfortunes, Battyman Begone!, Constant-theme, Star Bores Epic Load III: Retread of the Sh*t, Bore of the Worlds, Harry Plodder Has Gotta Retire

2006: King Korn, Barebutt Mountain, Stuporman Reruns, Mission Implausible 3, The Da Vinci Coma
2007: Spider-Sham 3, Harry Plodder & the Torture of the Fanbase
2008: American Gagster, Ironic Man, The Dork Knight, Inadiaper Jones & the Kingdom of the Creative Dry Spell
2009: Botchmen, Harry Plodder Is A Hot-Blooded Putz